How to write a band 6 HSC Ancient History essay

What Sets Band 6 Apart?

So, what distinguishes a Band 5 essay from the coveted Band 6’s?

Depth of Analysis.

Band 6 essays reflect a superior understanding and insight into the topic. Remember, you’re a historian, not a textbook. Don’t just regurgitate facts. Don’t just tell us everything you remember about your topic area. Instead, you want to analyse a good range of sources critically in order to formulate your own opinion (more on this under Point #3 👀).

Use of Evidence.

It’s no secret that, in Ancient History, sources are our bread and butter. As a rule of thumb, aim for at least ONE source for each point you make, or at least THREE sources per body paragraph.

And don’t over-rely on ancient historians like Herodotus and Plutarch. High-scoring responses have a balance of primary sources (written AND archeological) and secondary sources (e.g. quotes and interpretations from modern historians). Yes, this will take a bit of memorisation, but it will be worth it. The marker will have no choice but to see how much research (and passion!) you’ve put into your topic.

Note: If there’s a stimulus source they ask you to reference, don’t forget to include it amongst your own sources!

Critical Evaluation of Your Sources.

“Most people will not take the trouble in finding out the truth, but are much more inclined to accept the first story they hear.” — Thucydides, The History of the Peloponnesian War

Well, you heard him. Don’t be like most people!

It’s not enough to simply reference sources. Even the most renowned ancient historians were only human; and, as humans, it is inevitable that we inject our own biases, motivations, and opinions into our works. For instance, Herodotus relied heavily on oral accounts, potentially leading to inaccuracies in his documentation. Tacitus was a Roman senator with a clear political stance, and his animosity towards figures like Nero and Agrippina may have influenced his accounts.

Discuss these historiographical issues to weigh your evidence. Occasionally assessing your sources’ reliability will provide more nuance, depth and complexity to your essay. Show that you’re not just a reciter of facts, but a critical thinker (as all historians should be!).

You don’t need to write 5+ sentences evaluating your evidence. Unless the question is specifically addressing historical validity, a brief 1-2 sentence comment to weigh your source should suffice.

Strong (and Consistent) Judgement.

This may be obvious, but decide your stance and stick to it. Your thesis should guide Every. Single. Paragraph. Use assertive language to convey your perspective and reinforce your argument.

If your answer isn’t straightforward, you can use words like ‘overall’, “generally” or ‘despite’ to incorporate a bit of nuance, whilst remaining assertive. This allows you to acknowledge complexities without undermining your main point.

Answer the Question

Most essay questions start with ‘Assess’, ‘Analyse’, ‘Evaluate, or ‘To What Extent’. Know what each of these directives are asking of you. We’ll go through some exemplars (below) to see how you can deal with these directives.

For now, here’s a breakdown of common directives and what they require:

Assess: Weigh up the value or importance of something.
Analyse: Break down the topic into its parts and examine each part in detail.
Evaluate: Make your own judgement about the value or importance of something.
To What Extent: Explore the degree to which something is true. Look at the limits and boundaries of the idea posited in the question.

Clarity and Structure.

Organise your essay well. This is what we’ll go through now! 👇👇

Essay Structure

A well-organised essay enhances clarity and readability. Obviously, the ideas you explore in each paragraph will depend on your topic area and the question. But, the ideal structure for a high-mark response can look a little something like this:

Introduction

State your thesis in your first sentence i.e. immediately tell the marker your stance.
Give a brief outline of the major event(s) or personality you’re focusing on. This will likely include giving a date range.
Outline the main arguments that you will present in your body paragraphs (typically 3 ideas in 3 body paragraphs).

Body Paragraphs

Each paragraph should focus on one main idea.
For example, if I’m answering the question “To what extent did Pericles influence his time?”, I might structure my ideas like this:

Body Para 1: Pericles’ political influence on the reformation and expansion of democracy.

Body Para 2: Pericles’ patronage of arts and expansion of culture.

Body Para 3: Pericles as a strategos and his military strategy.

Notice how each paragraph has a main idea, with the potential to talk about more ‘mini-ideas’ underneath them e.g. Body Para 1 can discuss Percles’ various reforms, introduce the Golden Age of Athens, and consider Pericles’ orations and public speaking skills which inspired civic engagement.
Start with a topic sentence that introduces the main point and links directly to the essay question.
Follow the SEW framework for the meat of your paragraph:
- S: Source
- E: Explain the source (what does it tell us?)
- W: Weigh the evidence (consider historiographical issues, context, bias, purpose, etc.). Note: Don’t spend all your time on this.
Use cause-and-effect analysis. Just like in English essays, don’t just recount events, but explain what happened and then discuss the impact of those events.

Conclusion

Restate the main argument of your essay by directly answering the question i.e. try to use the words of the question, and interrogate the directive phrase in the question.
Summarise your key arguments.

Note: Your body paragraphs are where the real gold is. So, don’t break your back over the introduction and conclusion. These paragraphs can be really quick. Think 3-6 sentences (depending on the question).

Unpacking the Essay Question

Unless you have crazy good psychic abilities, the very first step is to read the question and understand what it wants from you. Break it down into its core components:

Directive phrases. Look for verbs that indicate how you need to answer the question e.g. assess, evaluate.
Content phrases i.e. who, what, when and where? See if the question specifies context or a particular moment in time. For instance, for the question “Evaluate the impact of the Punic Wars on the social structure of Rome”, you shouldn’t start thinking about the Macedonian War.🥴
Formulate Your Stance. Once you’ve read the question, think about all the juicy information you’ve collected in your brain over the many many months of studying this topic, and work out what your stance is.

Past Examples

I have lovingly crafted some samples of what would be considered high-scoring responses to past HSC questions. 👀👀

Example 1: ‘Assess’ Introduction

Question: “Assess the impact of the Persian Wars on Athens and Sparta.” (25 marks)

2017 HSC Ancient History Section IV - Historical Periods, Question 38 - Option H - Greece: The Greek World 500-440 BC.

The Persian Wars (499-449 BCE), a conflict between Persia and Greek city-states, had a significant and enduring impact on both Athens and Sparta, reshaping their political, social, and economic landscapes in the short-term and for centuries following. The shared Persian threat fostered a strong alliance between these two prominent city-states, as they worked together to ultimately emerge victorious against Persia.

The opening sentence directly answers the ‘assess’ question assertively, using terms like ‘significant’, ‘enduring’, ‘short-term’ and ‘for centuries following’.
Provides a bit of historical context on the Persian Wars, by stating the time period and providing necessary background information.
Outlines the scope of analysis by indicating that the essay will cover political, social and economic dimensions, and short-term and long-term impacts.

Athens emerged from the conflict as a dominant power, experiencing a cultural revolution during its Golden Age (478-404 BCE), characterised by advancements in art, philosophy, and democracy. As Athens embraced its newfound influence through the Delian League, it began to establish its naval supremacy and expanded its empire significantly.

This will be Body Para 1 - focus on the impact to Athens (only).

In contrast, post-war Sparta maintained its traditional, oligarchic society characterised by a rigid, social hierarchy and focus on military training. To distance itself from growing Athenian influence, Sparta withdrew from the Delian League to reestablish the Peloponnesian League, whilst also facing internal challenges including helot revolts.

This will be our Body Para 2 - focus on the impact to Sparta (only).
Note: While making comparisons isn’t explicitly asked for in this question, briefly commenting on these comparative connections can add depth to your analysis e.g. ‘In contrast’, ‘Whereas’, ‘Both’, ‘Neither’.

The aftermath of the Persian Wars also exposed fundamental differences between democratic Athens and conservative Sparta, leading to the deterioration of their relationship which culminated in the 27-year-long Peloponnesian War (431 - 404 BCE).

This will be our Body Para 3 - focus on impacts to the relationship between Sparta and Athens, particularly in relation to the Peloponnesian War.
This point which talks about both Athens and Sparta in one paragraph is well-placed, because its builds on previous points.
If time permits, you could also (briefly!) explore the impacts of the Peloponnesian War as a consequence of the Persian Wars’ impacts. It’s important to maintain focus on what the question is asking - the Persian Wars. (Remember: unpack the ‘content phrases’ of the question).

This introduction outlines the structure of the essay.
The chosen structure allows us to go (somewhat) chronologically through the impacts of the Persian War, ending in the Peloponnesian War. Choosing a chronological structure gives a nice, logical flow for the marker.

Example 2: ‘Evaluate’ Body Paragraph

Question: Evaluate the view that the Athenian navy made the greatest contribution to Greek victory and Persian defeat. (25 marks).

2019 HSC Ancient History Section IV - Historical Periods, Question 27 - Option F: The Greek World 500-440 BC.

While the Athenian navy played a crucial role in the Greek victory over Persia, it was not the greatest contribution, as land-based military strategies particularly employed by Sparta were essential in securing Persian defeat.

Opening sentence explicitly answers the question and uses the words of the question e.g. “greatest contribution”, “Athenian navy”, and “Greek victory”.
Clearly links to our thesis by directly giving our assessment i.e. that the navy was not the sole factor of the Greek victory.
Introudction sets up what we’re talking about in the paragraph i.e. land battles, especially focussed on Sparta.

The Spartan army, renowned for its discipline and rigorous military training, was instrumental in key land battles, such as Thermopylae and Plataea.

Again, setting up what we’re going to be focussing on in the paragraph but narrowing down on our concrete examples i.e. Thermopylae and Plateae.
We’ve used “such as” to clue the reader into the fact that we know there are many more examples we could have used.

At the Battle of Thermopylae (480 BCE), Spartan commander Leonidas and his 300 Spartans, alongside other Greek forces, used a self-sacrificing strategy to delay the Persian advance. Their hoplite phalanx formation utilised “longer spear and heavier armour… with well drilled precision” (Nicholas Hammond, British historian) to defend the narrow pass, neutralising the Persians’ numerical advantage for three days.

Citing a secondary source from a reputable historian strengthens our argument. Just be careful not to overdo it, otherwise it will look like you’re over-relying on other people’s judgements.

Although the Persians won at Thermopylae, this delay allowed for the rest of the Greek forces to retreat, Athens to evacuate, and enabled the Greek fleet to prepare for the naval battle at Salamis, according to Thermistocles’ Troezen Decree.

Acknowledging that the Persians won at Thermopylae, but emphasisng the importance of the Battle regardless demonstrates our critical thinking. It shows an understanding that victories can be nuanced and that outcomes are not always straightforward i.e. Sparta lost, but…

The Battle of Plataea (479 BCE) further exemplified the contributions of Sparta in land battles, with Pausanius leading his forces strategically at the foothills of the mountain to counteract Persian cavalry advantages. Modern historian Ehrenburg emphasises that “victory was due to intelligent leadership, as well as great courage and discipline of the Greeks”. Pro-Athenian historian Herodotus acknowledges that “Pausanius… won the most splendid victory which history records”, his bias for Athens adding credibility to his acknowledgement of Spartan impactful contributions.

Weighing the primary source by discussing bias illustrates an awareness of historiography.
In this case, I’ve used Herodotus’ pro-Athenian bias to strengthen my argument, but this won’t necessarily always be the case. It’s alright to say, “However, this source may be unreliable for X reason(s)”, and leave it at that.

The Spartans’ acts of bravery at Thermopylae and Plataea also contributed to high morale among the Greeks during subsequent battles, sending a message of heroism and hope, as seen by the inscription at Thermopylae reported by Herodotus: “Go tell the Spartans, traveller passing by, that here, obedient to our laws we lie.”

Note that, under the broader theme of ‘Spartan land battles’, we’re also exploring the theme of morale and unity. We’re not just looking at the physical consequences of the battles, but the influence on morale and spirit, which gives our argument more complexity.

Thucyidedes states “it was by common effort that the foreign invader was repelled”, his critical view of Sparta as an Athenian general enhancing his credibility in echoing the sentiment that fostering a sense of collective identity among the Greeks was essential for coordinating efforts during the war. Ultimately, the Athenian navy’s contribution is not considered to be the “greatest contribution” as it was the combined efforts of land and naval forces that proved essential in securing Greek unity and victory against Persia.

The concluding statement reinforces our main thesis (our evaluation, in this case).
This paragraph incorporates quotes from primary sources like Herodotus and Thucydides, as well as secondary sources from historians, to support the argument.
This paragraph doesn’t explicitly use any archeological evidence, so I’d be wanting to add one or two of those into my other body paragraphs.

Note: I decided to focus on Sparta’s land battles, but I could have just as easily made this more broad and focus on all land battles e.g. including the Battle of Marathon under Athenian leadership. I decided to narrow my scope to fit my desired level of detail. But, the great thing about history essays is that it’s your choice what you want to focus on to make your argument as strong as possible, in your eyes.

Remember, Ancient History essays are all about showcasing your in-depth insights (“I have my own perspectives and interpretations”), maintaining clarity (“I have no doubts about my position”), and showcasing a range of sources (“Look at all this research I’ve done!”). Good luck!

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Written by KIS Academics Tutor, Celeste Thomson. Celeste is currently working as a Chemical Risk Engineer with a Bachelor of Chemical Engineering (Honours) / Master of Biomedical Engineering. She has been tutoring (and loving it!) since 2017, with a particular focus on English, Mathematics, and Science. You can view Celeste’s profile here and request her as a tutor.