How to Write a Band 6 HSC Ancient History Essay?

The Persian Wars (499-449 BCE), a conflict between Persia and Greek city-states, had a significant and enduring impact on both Athens and Sparta, reshaping their political, social, and economic landscapes in the short-term and for centuries following. The shared Persian threat fostered a strong alliance between these two prominent city-states, as they worked together to ultimately emerge victorious against Persia.

• The opening sentence directly answers the ‘assess’ question assertively, using terms like ‘significant’, ‘enduring’, ‘short-term’ and ‘for centuries following’.

• Provides a bit of historical context on the Persian Wars, by stating the time period and providing necessary background information.

• Outlines the scope of analysis by indicating that the essay will cover political, social and economic dimensions, and short-term and long-term impacts.

Athens emerged from the conflict as a dominant power, experiencing a cultural revolution during its Golden Age (478-404 BCE), characterised by advancements in art, philosophy, and democracy. As Athens embraced its newfound influence through the Delian League, it began to establish its naval supremacy and expanded its empire significantly.

• This will be Body Para 1 - focus on the impact to Athens (only).

In contrast, post-war Sparta maintained its traditional, oligarchic society characterised by a rigid, social hierarchy and focus on military training. To distance itself from growing Athenian influence, Sparta withdrew from the Delian League to reestablish the Peloponnesian League, whilst also facing internal challenges including helot revolts.

• This will be our Body Para 2 - focus on the impact to Sparta (only).

• Note: While making comparisons isn’t explicitly asked for in this question, briefly commenting on these comparative connections can add depth to your analysis e.g. ‘In contrast’, ‘Whereas’, ‘Both’, ‘Neither’.

The aftermath of the Persian Wars also exposed fundamental differences between democratic Athens and conservative Sparta, leading to the deterioration of their relationship which culminated in the 27-year-long Peloponnesian War (431 - 404 BCE).

• This will be our Body Para 3 - focus on impacts to the relationship between Sparta and Athens, particularly in relation to the Peloponnesian War.

• This point which talks about both Athens and Sparta in one paragraph is well-placed, because its builds on previous points.

• If time permits, you could also (briefly!) explore the impacts of the Peloponnesian War as a consequence of the Persian Wars’ impacts. It’s important to maintain focus on what the question is asking - the Persian Wars. (Remember: unpack the ‘content phrases’ of the question).

• This introduction outlines the structure of the essay.

• The chosen structure allows us to go (somewhat) chronologically through the impacts of the Persian War, ending in the Peloponnesian War. Choosing a chronological structure gives a nice, logical flow for the marker.

While the Athenian navy played a crucial role in the Greek victory over Persia, it was not the greatest contribution, as land-based military strategies particularly employed by Sparta were essential in securing Persian defeat.

• Opening sentence explicitly answers the question and uses the words of the question e.g. “greatest contribution”, “Athenian navy”, and “Greek victory”.

• Clearly links to our thesis by directly giving our assessment i.e. that the navy was not the sole factor of the Greek victory.

• Introudction sets up what we’re talking about in the paragraph i.e. land battles, especially focussed on Sparta.

The Spartan army, renowned for its discipline and rigorous military training, was instrumental in key land battles, such as Thermopylae and Plataea.

• Again, setting up what we’re going to be focussing on in the paragraph but narrowing down on our concrete examples i.e. Thermopylae and Plateae.

• We’ve used “such as” to clue the reader into the fact that we know there are many more examples we could have used.

At the Battle of Thermopylae (480 BCE), Spartan commander Leonidas and his 300 Spartans, alongside other Greek forces, used a self-sacrificing strategy to delay the Persian advance. Their hoplite phalanx formation utilised “longer spear and heavier armour… with well drilled precision” (Nicholas Hammond, British historian) to defend the narrow pass, neutralising the Persians’ numerical advantage for three days.

• Citing a secondary source from a reputable historian strengthens our argument. Just be careful not to overdo it, otherwise it will look like you’re over-relying on other people’s judgements.

Although the Persians won at Thermopylae, this delay allowed for the rest of the Greek forces to retreat, Athens to evacuate, and enabled the Greek fleet to prepare for the naval battle at Salamis, according to Thermistocles’ Troezen Decree.

• Acknowledging that the Persians won at Thermopylae, but emphasisng the importance of the Battle regardless demonstrates our critical thinking. It shows an understanding that victories can be nuanced and that outcomes are not always straightforward i.e. Sparta lost, but…

The Battle of Plataea (479 BCE) further exemplified the contributions of Sparta in land battles, with Pausanius leading his forces strategically at the foothills of the mountain to counteract Persian cavalry advantages. Modern historian Ehrenburg emphasises that “victory was due to intelligent leadership, as well as great courage and discipline of the Greeks”. Pro-Athenian historian Herodotus acknowledges that “Pausanius… won the most splendid victory which history records”, his bias for Athens adding credibility to his acknowledgement of Spartan impactful contributions.

• Weighing the primary source by discussing bias illustrates an awareness of historiography.

• In this case, I’ve used Herodotus’ pro-Athenian bias to strengthen my argument, but this won’t necessarily always be the case. It’s alright to say, “However, this source may be unreliable for X reason(s)”, and leave it at that.

The Spartans’ acts of bravery at Thermopylae and Plataea also contributed to high morale among the Greeks during subsequent battles, sending a message of heroism and hope, as seen by the inscription at Thermopylae reported by Herodotus: “Go tell the Spartans, traveller passing by, that here, obedient to our laws we lie.”

• Note that, under the broader theme of ‘Spartan land battles’, we’re also exploring the theme of morale and unity. We’re not just looking at the physical consequences of the battles, but the influence on morale and spirit, which gives our argument more complexity.

Thucyidedes states “it was by common effort that the foreign invader was repelled”, his critical view of Sparta as an Athenian general enhancing his credibility in echoing the sentiment that fostering a sense of collective identity among the Greeks was essential for coordinating efforts during the war. Ultimately, the Athenian navy’s contribution is not considered to be the “greatest contribution” as it was the combined efforts of land and naval forces that proved essential in securing Greek unity and victory against Persia.

• The concluding statement reinforces our main thesis (our evaluation, in this case).

• This paragraph incorporates quotes from primary sources like Herodotus and Thucydides, as well as secondary sources from historians, to support the argument.

• This paragraph doesn’t explicitly use any archeological evidence, so I’d be wanting to add one or two of those into my other body paragraphs.

• Note: I decided to focus on Sparta’s land battles, but I could have just as easily made this more broad and focus on all land battles e.g. including the Battle of Marathon under Athenian leadership. I decided to narrow my scope to fit my desired level of detail. But, the great thing about history essays is that it’s your choice what you want to focus on to make your argument as strong as possible, in your eyes.